Dealing with the Baby Blues

When I had my bub, I suffered from the baby blues for a number of months. I was lethargic all the time, I couldn't think clearly (I think they call that brain fog), and I was just generally fairly miserable. There were times when getting out of bed felt as difficult as moving the world. I'd find myself crying at the smallest things. Sometimes I even had - gulp - thoughts of regret at giving birth to my beautiful little baby. I'd look at my bub and sometimes find myself thinking "Oh... he isn't a very attractive one, is he?". That was what really shocked me. I'd always wanted a child, and now that I had this beautiful gift, instead of being overjoyed, I was sad and regretful.

There were even moments when I thought of dying. I'd never thought that way before.

I've always been a happy and carefree woman, so this turn of events was very unusual for me.

Hubby noticed the changes too. I was like a dark presence in the house - quiet, solemn, changing nappies with a glum look on my face, preparing dinner without really caring about whether it tasted good, not wanting to go out. I felt sorry for hubby in those few months. He'd come home from work, and there I was, baby in my arms, and I wouldn't really want to acknowledge either one of them.

I breastfed my bubby, directly from the nipple. This didn't help things. For some reason, whenever my baby would nurse, I'd feel this horrible wave of sadness and guilt, almost like I was doing something taboo. I researched this phenomenon on the web a few weeks after starting, and discovered that it has a name - 'Sad Nipple Syndrome'. It sounds almost like a joke, doesn't it? But for some of us it's very real.

Combining sad nipple syndrome with general post-natal depression made things very difficult for me overall.

After a number of months, Hubby and I both resolved that I needed to do something about it. I couldn't keep going on like this - the guilt was overwhelming. I was spoiling things, not only for my baby, but for my husband a well. That feeling of guilt pushed me even further into depression.

I explained things to my doctor - I hadn't mentioned any of this to her, because really, I'm not the type to complain about things, and I was brought up in a very English household where you're supposed to keep a 'stiff upper lip' about such things. But I'm glad I did. She gave me a blood test, and soon after, she put my on a course of hormone therapy. She also encouraged me to change my diet, and to start exercising.

I hate exercise. I've never been overweight because I tend not to overeat, but exercise has always been anathema to me. But I followed her advice and started exercising on Hubby's treadmill - walking quickly - for 20 minutes a day. I also supplemented my diet with lots of turkey, fish, and chicken. The serotonin in these foods is supposed to help enhance the mood. I also tried to focus on hobbies outside of my bubby and hubby. I like to paint, and started to do that for an hour a day. It helped keep me engaged with something other than family and household work.

The difference was brilliant! Within a couple of weeks I was back to my old, happy self! It's amazing what a couple of estrogen tablets each day, exercise, and a few bits of turkey can do to lift your mood. Yes, I still had moments where I'd feel blue, but these were okay, not like before where I'd feel blue, tired, and down for the entire day. I also still experience 'Sad Nipple Syndrome' when I breastfeed, but it's not too bad now - it was terrible when I was generally depressed, but having sad nipples once in a while, I don't mind that. It leaves once baby finishes feeding anyway.

Now I am so happy with my bubby! I can't believe that I felt moments of regret when I was in that post-partum depression stage. Now I look at him and feel such a wonderful sense of warmth, joy, pleasure, and I just want to eat him up. He's gorgeous. He's more than gorgeous. He's the most beautiful bubby in the world! Hubby and I are back to normal, and hubby no longer has to worry about me. I'm so happy now. I'm so glad I dealt with the depression when I did.

So to recap, for me, the ways to deal with the post-partum depression were:

1. Seek help from a doctor!
2. Estrogen supplementation
3. 20 minutes of brisk walking a day, just enough to get my heart rate pumping
4. Including more serotonin-rich foods into my diet like turkey, fish, and chicken
5. Spending an hour a day focusing on a hobby away from baby and family, which for me is painting

I can't say which was responsible for my recovery, but I really think all of them combined had a role to play. These things are conducive to a healthy lifestyle anyway, so try them all at once, of course, get advice from your doctor first!

Andrea